WHAT HAPPENED WAS…

I stopped drinking on April 2, 2018.

My first of several attempts began in 2014; I’d known I needed to stop for decades.

It was incredibly difficult to finally stop but it’s not hard to not drink today.

In fact, it’s relatively easy.

I know it’s not like that for everyone.

So, for those who suspect life could be better without alcohol but can’t imagine life without it, I offer my experience with the idea that it might also have the potential to become yours.

And about that experience…

You guys! In my drinking lifetime, which is nearly all of it, I had a LOT of fun.

I’m pretty sure I was born under a Libra-Life of the Party cusp.

I mean, I had A LOT of fun.

I party hearty-ed.

I rocked the motherfuckin’ house.

I organized the pre-party and ran the after-party and worked hard, ya’ll, at the party in between those two parties.

I quit jobs to go to parties (special shout out to O’Charley’s on that one St. Patrick’s Day).

I got fired from at least two jobs because of parties (hollaaaa, Red Lobster on that combo Mother’s Day/University graduation Sunday brunch).

I had a LOT of fun.

Eventually, after years & years of rockin the m-effin house, real m-effin hard, the flames of fun died down to some pretty sad embers.

To be honest, those flames of fun died quite a few years before I officially and finally gave up alcohol.

By the time I quit, most of the parties I attended were parties for one, on my couch, in front of the TV, with a tumbler of vodkee & olive juice (I also love salt).

That always gave way to some kind of late-night snack that I would never remember eating.

Mornings began with headache, exhaustion, ibuprofen, anxiety, and deeply embedded lethargy and utter lack of motivation for life.

I had no compassion for myself. I held myself, and those around me, to some pretty uncompromising standards.

Thankfully, this is no longer my life.

These days, my life involves writing, traveling (pre-covid), making art, connecting with old friends, making new ones & planning the future, with joy.

It’s also about facing the things I hid from and compartmentalized over my lifetime.

Life these days is about healing a lot of shit.

I actively work on forgiving myself for what was more than just a “misspent youth.”

And I make progress.

Today, I experience contrast. I have highs and I have lows.

Everything I have and thankfully, don’t have in my life today is because alcohol does not factor in.

I think this will be a place where things get born & also come to rest.

I want this to be a place for me to share what I write & what I make.

I want it to be a place that reflects the most authentic parts of me.

I hope it will attract like-minded, like-hearted people.

I hope it’s a place where connections and community will be made.

And then there are all the beautiful things I don’t even know to hope for because I haven’t yet imagined them.

I’m down for all of it.