That time of year when thoughts turn to, “What the hell’s my phrase of the year for 2022 gonna be?”

A couple of days ago I came across a computer journal entry I wrote on February 5th of this year, 2021.

In it, I’m kind of free-forming…writing in present tense and also recalling the recent past…

“I’ve been struggling lately- with my life, as it’s being lived today.

Feeling stuck. A familiar feeling.

Feelings of despair- not just in the state of my world, as a microcosm, but despair as I look at the state of the whole planet.

So I began to silently ask myself the usual questions…

How do I begin?

What’s next?

How do I get out of this state of mind- that’s really become more a state of being.

Then, I saw the word, “Trust,” flash in my mind’s eye.

In this flashing message, also came this message, “You just have to do it. Take the steps and things will happen.”

These flash messages are so hard to describe- because they literally flash- a couple of words with a series of images and then I put it all together.

This one was telling me take the human steps and trust that something would happen, something would be triggered in the universe, changes would come to my life.

The words, “Do and Trust” flashed.”

At this time, back in February, I had already chosen my “phrase of the year,” something I do every year.

My phrase (some people do a word) is meant to serve as a touchstone-reminder-reset button---once the momentum and can-do attitude of January wanes, as it sometimes (always) does.

My 2021 phrase was (and is) “Focus  & Follow Through,” and the above journal entry, just 36 days into the new year, clearly indicates that I was already situated firmly in a lack of it.

I can see today what I was unable to see last February.

That “Do and Trust” is remarkably similar to “Focus & Follow Through.”

I was getting nudges…and ignoring them.

My 2021 days continued to pass me by and I continued to be unfocused and without follow-through.

I was, however, able to successfully generate less discipline in writing daily in my journal.

The daily journal I was so excited about because it said, “Stay Focused, Darling” on the front.

There I was, unremarkably cruising along 2021, when, out of nowhere at the end of September, due to a delayed economic response to the pandemic, my job of many years ended.

I immediately looked around in every direction. I was looking for my cue- my message- the big hint as to which way I should begin forging ahead.

I felt instinctively that I was supposed to be taking advantage of this time that had suddenly opened up to me.

My intuition told me that I needed to start taking real, human, action steps- I just didn’t quite know what those were.

I did notice that I kept getting tapped to reach out to a friend of mine who, at least a decade ago- probably more, had a life changing session with a particular Medium.

I’d never forgotten watching the trajectory of her life change after speaking with this Medium.

I mean changes in big ways- sobriety, personal healing, relationship healing, career changes, marriage- big, big shit.

I decided to give this Medium a call…

We had a great chat but I’m not sure how much of it ended up being about communication with my peeps and guides on the other side.

Maybe all of it was.

Or maybe none of it was.

What did end up happening, as best I can describe it, is that I got a fantastic life-coaching session with him.

He enthusiastically put forth all kinds of challenges and ideas and goals with deadlines and by the time our session ended, a couple of things were clear…

I could see that for most of 2021, I’d been the living antithesis of, Focus & Follow Through.

All my excuses were stacked up in the corner.

They’d just become part of the furniture.

I didn’t even see them for what they were anymore.

I was clear about that and I was also inspired.

I was quickly pointed toward the fact that I’d been sitting on a nearly completed website for MORE THAN A YEAR.

I had it close to wrapped up back in 2020 but I kept my holding pattern going by shuffling this and rearranging that, then walking away to let things marinate, only to come back and shuffle some more.

Some of the shuffle was necessary but most of it was total bullshit.

Excuses I created as a way to protect myself from all my usual fears:

failure

success

exposure

vulnerability

judgement

and the NOW WHAT? question that often follows a long-anticipated release of something into the universe.

But back to my inspiration…y’all…

3 weeks after my chat with the Medium, I had launched a website… with an “About” section and blog posts and I had a Facebook business page with my art for sale and people bought pieces of my art and it felt amazing.

I’d finally taken the key that was in own pocket, reached through the bars and let my own motherfuckin’ self out the cage.

5 of Pentacles card from the Light Seers Tarot deck

I felt like I was living as my authentic self for the very first time in my life.  

I felt seen. I felt seen.

I kept going.

I signed up for an art class to learn about acrylic paints and soft pastels. (Prolly not my jam, btw)

I hired an aromatherapist to help me create a recipe for the essential oil blend I’ve been making and wearing for over 22 years- with the intent to produce and sell it.

I ended up creating a second essential oil blend as well. They smell AMAZING!

I reached out to a friend who pours candles to see if she wanted to collaborate- she’s now going to pour a couple of test candles.

I’m thinking about greeting cards

I’m looking for products that would be a good fit on which to feature my artwork.

I started thinking art fairs for next summer and fall.

These are all things I’ve been talking about doing for YEARS.

I’m sitting here today, solidly in the homestretch of 2021, seeing that the loss of my job came as an unexpected gift, masquerading as a big fat problem.

Don’t get me wrong, I still need a job and I’m still actively looking for that perfect opportunity for me, while simultaneously, planting some big, fun seeds that I’ll continue to water along the way.

About 20 years ago, I started making really large New Year vision boards with photos and words and phrases.

Two years ago, I started creating smaller versions of these vision boards.

I make one board with my phrase of the year on it.

Fearlessly Creative was my phrase from 2020.

The year I rediscovered art…

I also create a separate board with words and phrases surrounding my phrase of the year.

A couple of days ago, I sat down to really study my “Focus & Follow Through” 2021 board.

With a couple of weeks still to go, I’m blown away by the things I envisioned for 2021 that have actually happened- and most of them only in the last 2 months!

At least a dozen things, maybe more. It gives me chills of gratitude and amazement to see it all there on paper.

I’m proud of what I’ve gotten done this year. I’m excited about what’s to come.

In the name of honesty and authenticity, I want to say that I do still have to continually squelch my fear-voice.

The one who likes to pipe up with bullshit false thoughts that are meant to scare me back into submission and my old ways of living below the line.

Intellectually, I know that that practiced, ingrained fear-voice, doesn’t change overnight.

Who I am today has been a long time in the making.

Like everyone, I’m a complicated combination so many things…

I am all the love that I have and have not received throughout my life.

I am all the beautiful experiences that built my confidence, my empathy, my world vision, the depth of my heart and gratitude and all the love I have to give.

I am all the mechanisms I’ve ever employed to protect myself from every fucked-up, unkind thing that has ever been said or done to me.

I am all of this and more- PLUS all the pure love essence and each of the innate gifts I brought with me to this lifetime from the moment I took my first breath.  

There are parts of me that I want, more than anything, to have already healed and moved on from, but that continue to hang the fuck around.

I haven’t yet “learned my lesson” about so many things.

I have to repeat some lessons over and over.

I know this.

And I know that even my heroes and heroines, who seem so together on Instagram or on the pages of their best-selling books about personal growth, or from the stages of their TED Talks- even they aren’t as together as they appear to be.

Learning lessons is about repetition. So much repetition.

But even loads of repetition doesn’t always guarantee we’ll learn the lesson.

No one is ever all done.

No one ever arrives.

We’re all still on the road.

So when that scared, negative voice (who is also me, btw) pops up, I remind myself to remind myself that I am healing and I am growing and I am changing.

Look, I’m kind of meandering here in this post and I actually started to worry about that.

I started to tell myself that I really needed to figure out a way to wrap this up and bring it all back around neatly when I remembered…

“Giiirrrl, you don’t have to do all that. Stop it with your self-imposed, arbitrary rules”

This ain’t no article for the New Yorker.

I ain’t here to pose.

When I manage to catch myself becoming concerned about appearances, then I know it’s time to reset.

I will bring it back around though… just not all that neatly.

Over these last couple of days, I’ve been starting to ponder what that 2022 phrase will be for me.

Nothing has leapt forth, that is, until today.

I think I’m onto something but I’m going to live with it a bit before I declare it.

I’ll leave some questions here for you, if you are so inclined to answer.

Feel free to answer here or you can email me…

Do you pick a word or phrase each year?

Do you declare it in January and then forget about it? (I’ve done this a number of times, by the way)

Do you have a practice or a system that helps you to remember to regularly refer to it as a grounding touchstone throughout the year?

Do tell…

What’s your deal?